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Old 03-19-2014, 01:11 PM   #1
Lynn Martin
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SO Frustrated

I know the standard answer is "crossfit is for everyone" But I'm starting to disagree. I'm in my first post on-ramp month. It's not going well. I've been sick too, but still...

I can't squat. (posted about this before) I can't get my arms straight up due to lack of shoulder flexibility. Which means I look at any WOD and simply laugh. Because I can't even do the most basic things, the WOD gets scaled to something unrecongizeable.

The warmups are totally humiliating flashbacks to grade school gym class. Run back and forth? I'm ALWAYS the slowest. Once I didn't go all the way because I didn't want the humiliation of 30 other people waiting for me to be the last to finish. And somebody else in the class made a snarky remark about me cheating.

I'm tired of the humiliation of having to partner with somebody I've never met before, and being the weak link for them. I'm tired of then having to cheer me on and pretend like I'm doing good when I'm not. I'm tired of seeing how they pretend it's OK when they are actually disappointed to be paired with the class loser. I'm tired of the only option being a class- and seeing an entire list of unfamiliar names when I have to sign up for one.

I'm tired of the only workout option being classes where the cliques are formed and i'm not part of one. I'm tired of getting sick to my stomach with dread as the time draws near for me to leave to go to the class I signed up for. I'm tired of having to work hard to hold back tears of humiliation so that I don't get even MORE humiliated. I'm tired of ALWAYS being significantly worse at EVERYTHING than anybody else.

I'm tired of spending several times more money per month, than other gyms, but not really getting to be able to do the workouts. Because I can't.

I have no idea how long it will be before I can really even truly attempt a workout. How long does it take to get from only being able to squat a few inches to a full squat? Is it really worth paying this kind of money just to work on that?
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Old 03-19-2014, 01:17 PM   #2
Christopher Morris
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Re: SO Frustrated

The feeling I get from your post is not good.

First, you can't "win" a warm-up. You're not cheating anyone else in a warm-up, so others in the class need to get over that. You only cheat yourself if you're not doing enough to get loose and ready to workout. Other than that, there is no cheating a workout. The warm-up is for you, and it doesn't matter what others think or say.

If your gym is not supportive, I'd recommend finding another gym to give your time, money, and friendship to.

I'd also recommend doing a lot of mobility work. Learn from mobilitywod.com (wfs) to work your problem areas. If your gym is not educating you and helping you with this, move yesterday!
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Old 03-19-2014, 02:18 PM   #3
Mark E. Wallace
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Re: SO Frustrated

First, I agree with Christopher's response, if for no other reason than to call him "Christopher" again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynn Martin View Post
I can't squat. (posted about this before) I can't get my arms straight up due to lack of shoulder flexibility. Which means I look at any WOD and simply laugh. Because I can't even do the most basic things, the WOD gets scaled to something unrecongizeable.
You're not doing this stuff because you're great at it and have no room for improvement. You're doing it because you want to get from wherever you are now to wherever you want to be.

So, you need to decide (a) where you want to be, and (b) how badly you want to get there. If you do want to be able to squat, and you want badly to be able to do it, you'll put up with however long that period is in which you can't do it at that level.

The warmups are totally humiliating flashbacks to grade school gym class. Run back and forth? I'm ALWAYS the slowest. Once I didn't go all the way because I didn't want the humiliation of 30 other people waiting for me to be the last to finish. And somebody else in the class made a snarky remark about me cheating.

Quote:
I'm tired of the humiliation of having to partner with somebody I've never met before, and being the weak link for them.

I'm tired of then having to cheer me on and pretend like I'm doing good when I'm not. I'm tired of seeing how they pretend it's OK when they are actually disappointed to be paired with the class loser.
Get over it. You are there for you. Get in there and work hard. If your partner has a problem with the pairing, let him/her take it up with the coaches/owners. Don't assume that your partner has a problem with this at all though. You're not in their head, and you are probably totally mistaken about their state of mind.

Quote:
I'm tired of the only option being a class- and seeing an entire list of unfamiliar names when I have to sign up for one.
Again, get over it. Toughen up, hang in there, and soon enough you will know the people, and you will be one of the experienced ones who can help the newcomers.

Quote:
I'm tired of the only workout option being classes where the cliques are formed and i'm not part of one.
See prior answer.

Quote:
I'm tired of getting sick to my stomach with dread as the time draws near for me to leave to go to the class I signed up for.
This was me too, when I started four years ago. My answer? Get over it / toughen up. Seriously.

Quote:
I'm tired of having to work hard to hold back tears of humiliation so that I don't get even MORE humiliated. I'm tired of ALWAYS being significantly worse at EVERYTHING than anybody else.
For as competitive as Crossfit can seem to be, it's not a damned competition. It's a workout program. Get in there and do your workout, and don't worry about how or what the others do. None of that other stuff matters. All that matters is that you work hard and gradually get better over time.

Quote:
I'm tired of spending several times more money per month, than other gyms, but not really getting to be able to do the workouts. Because I can't.
Toughen up. Keep going. You WILL get better, but you're going to have to have more mental fortitude to get through this period of frustration.

Quote:
How long does it take to get from only being able to squat a few inches to a full squat?
That's different for everyone. What does your coach say when you ask him/her that question?

Can you sit on a toilet?

Quote:
Is it really worth paying this kind of money just to work on that?
You have to answer that for yourself. How valuable in the long run would it be for you to be strong and healthy vs. remaining in your current condition?

Sorry for being so frank, but honestly it sounds to me like you just need to toughen up. Crossfit is not about being a rock star and crushing all of the WODs. It's not about comparing yourself to everyone else. It's not about looking at the white board every day and seeing a workout that's totally in your wheel house.

For all of us (me, you, Rich Froning, Samantha Briggs), it is about baby steps; getting from wherever we are to just a little further beyond that. And then doing it again the next day. And the next. It's about understanding but not accepting where we are; wanting a different and better state of health and having the mental and physical tenacity to put in the work to get there.

Crossfit is also not about "the other guy/gal." Stop giving a damn about what the others can do, how you compare to them, and what you imagine they might think about you. Get your butt in to the gym and do your best. And then do it again tomorrow. That's all that matters.

- Mark
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Old 03-19-2014, 02:44 PM   #4
Shaun R Sullivan
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Re: SO Frustrated

Before I started CF I had a one-on-one with a coach who did an assessment on my base line skills and mobility. I've yet to see someone start CF and are able to do a perfect squat on day one. All the coaches at my box seem to know my weaknesses and are always offering advice.

If you're not getting that kind of coaching, I'd look for another box. If you feel okay about the coaching give it more than a month and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Good luck.
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Old 03-19-2014, 02:45 PM   #5
John Holcombe
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Re: SO Frustrated

I like Mark's answer. It sounds like you have a really negative attitude about all of it. If the other people are giving you bad vibes, i'm sure it's because of the attitude and not the fact that you aren't good at the movements. You have to ditch the "i'll never be good at this" feeling or you'll probably end up quitting. Just be more open minded. Commit to actually trying it for a few months and work on your weaknesses daily. When I first started, I couldn't do a double under or overhead squat an empty bar. I worked on those things daily.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:13 PM   #6
Noah Drew
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Re: SO Frustrated

Lynn,
It sounds like your past the point of no return, so this might be in vain of me, but I'm going to try anyways.

CrossFit is hard, really hard. It's tough because we ask you to do something that should be simple but isn't. Going to a normal gym wont help you squat or even lift your arms overhead. You need people that prioritize moving better. Maybe you lose a couple pounds but your quality of life is still going to suffer in the long run.

With CrossFit you are starting from ground one, re learning to move, the right way. I can promise you, if your patient and you put in the work (starting with mobility) you will not be sorry.

As for the negative feeling your having, it seems like a lot of this is you. I find that people internalize their insecurities, its natural.

You said yourself someone commented on you cheating, its because they are trying to help you be accountable. That is a sign that they care. The warm ups will get easier, you will get better.

If you ever need motivation or have questions feel free to email me, noahdrew@crossfitarc.com, I own my box in CA and am here to help
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:27 PM   #7
Joe Spinelli
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Re: SO Frustrated

It sounds to me like you are in limbo. You are feeling out of shape and like you don't belong. You are worrying about things that others "might" or might not be thinking about you.

You have to remember, you are there for you. If you were at my box, I would cheer you on, I would be your partner, and I would give you a high five after every WOD where you worked hard. I don't care about our time on the board. I don't care if you do your part slower than I do mine. If you are working hard, you will get better.

That said, if you're expecting to get better by giving less than 100%, it's not going to work.

I know how you are feeling. When I started I felt ridiculous just showing up. I couldn't run the building without stopping. I had not done a pull-up since 6th grade. I felt like everyone was best friends and I was the new loser. But you know what, when I worked hard and showed a willingness to learn, I was very quickly accepted and always encouraged.

If you don't feel the same, you need to look at a new box, pronto!
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Old 03-20-2014, 02:03 AM   #8
Snir Golan
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Re: SO Frustrated

i will try to be as nice about it as possible but i apologize if it comes off as mean: i don't think you understand what CrossFit is to be honest.


If you think that you will be humilatd or made fun of because you are the slowest, you don't understand what CrossFit is.

If you think that people only pretend to care and support you when they are cheering you on, nk that you will be humilatd or made fun of because you are the slowest, you don't understand what CrossFit is. my first class i was paired with the strongest guy at our box and he pushed me, cheered me and picked me up when i fell. BECAUSE of him i fell in love with CrossFit and BECAUSE of him i am thrilled to be partnered with people that are not as strong as me so i can return the favor.

If you are tired of class being the only option, you don't understand what CrossFit is. People go to CrossFit BECAUSE it is a class and you get to workout with other people that share the same passion as you.

If you are tired of not being able to do the workouts, you don't understand what CrossFit is. CrossFit can be scaled to everybody. if a 75 year old can do the workout, so can you. nobody said that every workout has to be done RX, you just need to work hard and do the best you can with what you can. If i can do the workouts with a torn labrum, bad knee, bad back and a few other injuries, so can you.

And honestly, i think that your biggest weakness is your attitude. in one post, you managed to completely put yourself down and only say negative things about yourself and about CrossFit. instead of always saying that you are tired and you can't, how about actually going out there and working on your weaknesses? do you think that when a 300lbs person takes that first step on the track it is easy for him? a 200 meter run for an obese person can be just as hard as a 2k for a fit person but both do work and both are improving themselves.

so you can't deadlift 300lbs or row a sub 7 min 2k? who cares!!!! the only thing that matters is if you are better today than you were yesterday.
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Old 03-20-2014, 04:47 AM   #9
Glenn Plomchok
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Re: SO Frustrated

Not a lot to add to what has been said but ask yourself this simple question -

"Is doing something better than doing nothing?".

If your answer is "yes" then the scaled workouts and movements you are doing are perfect and absolutely correct.

Challenges are there to be met. Go get it

I also agree if the gym you go to is not supportive, find another one.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:18 AM   #10
Miles Roberts
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Re: SO Frustrated

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynn Martin View Post

I'm tired of the humiliation of having to partner with somebody I've never met before, and being the weak link for them. I'm tired of then having to cheer me on and pretend like I'm doing good when I'm not. I'm tired of seeing how they pretend it's OK when they are actually disappointed to be paired with the class loser. I'm tired of the only option being a class- and seeing an entire list of unfamiliar names when I have to sign up for one.
I just want to comment on this. If I was your partner, and you happened to be moving slower than me or pushing less weight than me, I wouldn't consider you a "weak link". I would cheer you on not because I had to or felt obligated, but because you showed up, are trying, and putting in the effort. I wouldn't think you are the class loser, not by any stretch. If there is such a thing as a class loser, its the one who has a bad attitude/cheats/talks negatively to/about other class members.

If you keep working, you'll get better, you'll gain confidence, and you'll find a lot more joy in it. Regarding the specific mobility issues, maybe ask a coach if they'll spend some time with you before and/or after class to work on it.

You're obviously very frustrated, and see a big wall in front of you, between you and having a fun and rewarding experience at CF. I'd hate to see you give up when you surely have the ability to get over that wall.

And for what its worth, I was last this morning. I've been doing CF for 6 months, and I was last. By almost THREE MINUTES. But I showed up, worked hard, and know I'll be better next time.
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